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Brosnan Refuses To Rule Out Playing Posford Again

Cinema fans were treated to a treat yesterday with the news that Pierce Brosnan (below) refused to rule out a future stint in the new Simon Posford adventure.

He last played the psyproducer-cum-detective in One Eighth Is Not Enough, which followed the hugely successful Tomorrow Never Knows If I Might Release More Material Depends Whats On Telly Really Doesn’t It, which co-starred halle berry..

Insiders had suggested that the part may fall once again to Roger Moore, whose best known Posford adventure was For Your Ears Only: Unreleased Tunes You’re Never Getting Your F*ing Hands On. Sean Connery, best known for You Only Play The Same Live Set Twice, is definitely not being considered, having disappointed critics so deeply with his portrayal of Raja Ram in Only Fools And Horses: The TipWorld story.

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Alien Project Uses Lavatory Unaided

The world of israeli foundations was shaken to its trance yesterday, when Ari "I'm Not Gary Lineker" Linker managed to use the lavatory unaided.

"He's been out of nappies for some time now," said Astrix, "but this is a real bonus to the scene. The last time i played on stage with him he was wearing Huggies Pull-Ups."

It is anticipated that Alien Projects music will still stink.

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British Rave Organiser Manages To Go To Shops, Post Office, Without Hassle From Plod

Kent police chief Alistair Kunt came under fire yesterday when it emerged that a member of one of the UK's largest outdoor party crews carried out errands without police interference.

The crew member, who cannot be named, is understood to have visited the local corner shop and post office on Tuesday afternoon, evading police attention. Witnesses claim the evil terrorist purchased “Smarties and a lottery ticket” from the post office in Somefuckingtown, Kent before stopping off at the convenience store for what a policeman said “appeared to have been bread, but could have been a sound system.”

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Space Cat Neither From Space Nor A Cat, Studies Reveal

The world of israeli roots was shaken to its trance yesterday with the shock announcement that Space Cat is neither a cat nor is he from space.

The scientists -- none of whom were understood to be either growling or mad -- concluded that Space Cat is in fact, "a geezer, a bloke.... a reg ular chap".

"Cats generally have four legs and whiskers, and are commonly associated with playing with balls of wool, chasing spiders, and drinking milk. But this c*** seems preoccupied with a handful of presets on his nord.”


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Space Buddha Neither From Space Nor A Buddha, Scientists Claim

The world etc etc

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