Average user rating    (0 vote)

If the word “Helmet” makes you titter, then congratulations: you have a similarly pre-school sense of humour as I do, and that’s something we’re both going to need if we’re going to get through this album. Space Helmet isn’t necessarily bad – not in the Dali sense, not in the Hypersonic sense, and not in the Skazi sense. For the most part, this is well-produced, intelligent fullon that features a variety of cameos and collaborations (Oforia, Perplex, Paul Taylor) that keep it moving.

The problem is, it’s piss-boring. It’s very good at being piss-boring, but piss-boring it is nonetheless.

I accept that there’s worse music around than this, but none quite so piss-boring as this. Opening track Albert Einstein, recorded with Perplex, is piss-boring. The sounds are piss-boring, the movement is piss-boring, and the ending is piss-boring. Originally by someone called DJ Kido & Stereomatic, Bad Boys gets a remix from Spectrum and it’s, yup, piss-boring. Generic noises, piss-boring chord patterns, a piss-boring breakdown and more piss-boredom than you can shake a piss-stick at. Barking Alien is a collaboration with Ultravoice, which includes a bassline that changes (OMG WTF BBQ!!!) to make it slightly less piss-boring than the rest here; but it still sounds like something 3D Vision might have released four years ago.

Show Time with Stereomatic is the best-produced here, with a tangible oomph – but it all too soon goes into piss-boring eurotrance wannabee candyraver Chupa Chup piss-boring weak shit. The title track, recorded with Oforia, goes along well enough before a dreadful peak takes over, and Pizdata, with Paul Taylor, is decent enough but suffers from an overwhelming lack of direction. Budha (sic) Stick is alright, with a nice little groove going along, peppered with pretty weak sounds, but is 90% better than 90% of other fullon. Then comes this tune between Dede and Perplex.

And get this for a title: Down Town Tel Aviv (Dede’s Goa 06 Rmx). Tack the word “mycel” on the end and you’ve got every trance cliché in one. It is at least a bit different this track, the only one on the album that has its own sense of true purpose and which threatens something large. But the title, and the crap acid chucked in at the end, render it comical. And finally, Deep Impact was the track that Elton John refused to have played at his wedding on the grounds that it was “a bit poofy”.

Not a good album, then. And to cap it all, the linear notes include a thanks to “all the people I have met in goa the last 6 years,” a closing note suggesting that Dede is indeed a piss-boring individual who spent far too much time in goa passing chillums to equally piss-boring nonentities. Next.